A cruel Wake up
by Meregil Svarteros Laevateinn
Summary: Sets just after Infinity War ! Steve has a vivid nightmare. Thanos won the battle and killed half the Universe. But, he thinks as he struggles to catch his breath, that can't be real. Right ? And, where is Bucky ?


What just happened ? One second, Thor arrived and planted his axe in Thanos chest, seemingly killing him.. And the other Thanos was opening a portal and going through it ? And now nothing ?

"Steve."

The blond turned quickly at the sound. Something was wrong. He knew Bucky's voice inflections. Something was wrong. He barely had the time to catch sight of the brunet before he froze.

Just as Bucky, he stared at the metal hand. It was… disappearing. Turning into ashes.

His lover lifted his head and looked at him, completely lost. He was… Buck !

Steve was glued to the spot. He watched Bucky vanish in front of him, what was left of him falling face first onto the floor, the only thing indicating he had been there being the riffle he had had in his right hand. Buck…

He felt his feet go to he place where… his ashes -or whatever it was- had fallen. He knelt and touched the ground. He didn't know what he expected by doing so, but certainly not the feeling of what remained of Bucky slipping through his fingers.

And then he saw the little tree vanish in the corner of his eye. He caught a bit of red turn into ashes where Wanda had been moments before, near Vision's body. He got up and went to see what happened. Vision was dead, too. But he had a hole in his head, where should have been the stone.

This wasn't real. He was going to wake up. He let himself fall, and sit. He supposed he was in shock, as a __Oh God__ left his lips. They were all dead.

Steve woke up with a start and a scream. Dead. They all had died. In less than an minute.  
... Wait a second. He was in a bed. A quite large one to be honest… It seemed familiar. He stared at the ceiling and put a hand on his chest.  
Wakanda ! This was the room he was always given when he visited. Not that it had really been used the last time, but still. It confirmed it had just been a dream. That and Bucky having a new metal arm. __Gold and vibranium__ , his mind supplied. Buck didn't have a left arm anymore, at least he didn't when he last saw him. And not in this room.

Thinking of it, it didn't make sense… Why was he there ? Still panting, he rolled on his left to look at the other side of the bed. Nobody. He slid a hand on the sheets. They were cold. Where was Bucky ?

"Buck ?" No answer. "Babe ?" He frowned when he was only greeted by silence. Why was he here without Bucky ? He got up, noticing in the back of his head he had jogging pants on. Weird. Usually they only slept in boxers, because of the heat.

His breathing was almost back to normal, so he decided to check the other parts of the room. He knocked on the bathroom door and entered when he heard nothing in return. Empty. No toiletries, no clothes except for his t-shirt, no Bucky. He went back in the bedroom with a frown on his face. What happened ? Everything looked like he had crashed in the room the night before.

The blond was about to go see if his lover was in the small office when he heard a knock on the door.

This was Natasha. The spy seemed rather tired and had a worried look on her face when he let her in.

"I heard you scream."  
"It's… It's nothing. I just had a bad dream. It happens sometimes." Steve said, a sad smile on his lips. "But it was… so vivid. When I woke up, it had seemed so real I thought it was not a dream. "  
"Steve ?" Natasha asked. She was confused, apparently, so he decided to give her the great lines.  
"Half the team disappeared after we fought and lost against a purple giant. Thanos I think… Anyway. Where is … Why are we here ?"  
"Steve, sit please." She laid a hand on his arm, effectively guiding him toward the edge of the bed. She looked resigned. And sad.  
"I mean, I know we're in Wakanda. But - " Steve babbled, throwing a glance through the window. Why wouldn't she answer ? He was starting to get nervous.  
"Steve look at me." She whispered.

It couldn't be real, right ? No. No, that had just been his mind creating a story. A scary and tragic one, but a fiction. Buck always said he had a great imagination. Where was he ?

"What is it, Nat ?" He finally asked, looking at her in the eyes.

She looked down and took a deep breath. When they locked eyes, he could see a sad glint in hers. No. No, no, no. They hadn't lost. They hadn't fought Thanos and then lost. Fucking no way ! He shook his head. No, it wasn't real.

"Steve it wasn't a nightmare." She said. "No. That's not..." He started, "you're wrong." She had to.  
"I wish I was Steve, as much as you. But what you saw in your dream… it really happened."

She was lying, this couldn't be possible. Steve jumped on his feet and began pacing.

"You're wrong Nat. We… I remember getting on the Quinjet with Vision."  
"Because you thought that T'Challa and Shuri could help him."  
"Yeah" He nodded.  
"And then we arrived in Wakanda."  
"Well of course, if we wanted them to help him."  
"And he was not alone when we landed. There was also James." Who had a new - "With a new metal arm."

Steve stopped his pacing two steps from the wall.. If it had been a dream, she wouldn't know about this. He opened his mouth to say something, but no word would came out.

"Softer to the eyes than the previous one. Dark grey, and -"  
"Laced with gold." He finished.  
"Yes. I'm sorry Steve but this wasn't a dream."

Realisation fell upon him like thunder. They had indeed fought Thanos. And they lost. The titan had wiped away half the Universe.

The Super soldier closed his eyes. So many innocents… They didn't deserve this. Dead because they couldn't defeat him. They were supposed to protect the population. They had failed. Making a fist of his right hand, he hit the wall. They hadn't been strong enough and innocents paid the price.

He must have said it out loud, because Natasha replied.

"He was too strong. We did all we could."

Steve turned his head to see her. She sat on the bed, her hands on her lap. Her eyes were red, tears starting to appear but refusing to fall.

"We did everything. We could never have won because we were not prepared."

It was true. They only had the time to go to Wakanda ask for help. Even with Bruce to warn them, they hadn't had much time to prepare. Steve was starting to feel numb. To prevent falling in the middle of the room, he went to the bed and sat.

"We will have to tell Sam's family." If they're still alive. "Do you have –"  
"Yes, I have their phone numbers somewhere." He cut.  
"Right. They are the only one we will have to call. Wanda had no one but Vision and us and James…"

Bucky. He let out a broken whimper. No. Not again. Not __again__.

The blond clenched his fists. Why was the universe so cruel to them ? They just had found each other back. He turned his head to look at the left side of the bed. He could see his lover's body, relaxed for once, immersed in a profound and peaceful sleep. Bucky's hair had been splayed around his head, giving him an angelic look. He would never see him like that again. Never see __him__ again.

His name fell of his lips, barely audible. But Natasha heard –or read- it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know him so well, but I know you were close."  
"No. No you don't know." He said, never taking his eyes off the spot where Bucky's face had been.  
"What –" She started, frowning, before following Steve's gaze. He saw her eyes grow wider and her mouth form a small 'o'.  
"We wanted to keep it a secret, you know. For a while. To be able to… to just be the two of us. To learn how to __be__ again."  
"I'm so sorry Steve."  
"After all he went through, he deserved a bit of peace and quiet." He hiccupped. "Only Shuri knew."

If he closed his eyes and concentrated, he could feel the ghost of Bucky's lips on his own, where they had been less than a day before. They had found a corner when they stole a little time for them before the battle. It had been the last time they kissed.

Steve raised his hand and touched his lips. But instead of the warmth he remembered, he could only feel his finger. Cold, like the rest of his body. Because Bucky was the one who brought warmth. He would never be warm again.

The blond began to sob uncontrollably, and Natasha wrapped her arms around him. He couldn't stop shaking. Bucky was gone forever. It wasn't fair, after all he survived. He deserved a good life. But no. Thanos had killed Bucky. And Steve, by doing so. Because maybe his body was still here, but his heart wasn't.

When Bucky dissolved into ashes, Steve's soul departed with him.


End file.
